


who says the sun will ever find the moon?

by drmroses



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ...multiple, 00 line!, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Healing, M/M, for 00 fic fest !
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21623746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drmroses/pseuds/drmroses
Summary: Renjun is a trauma surgeon, and one night, stuck in the emergency room, four men barely clinging to their lives are wheeled in after a tragic car wreck.To his horror, the bodies under sheets are his own best friends.He takes one look at the gurney in front of him, closes his eyes, counts to ten, prays to whoever is holding his fate above his head, and opens them again. What can he do? Nothing can change the fact that the four bodies lying on gurneys next to each other. Nothing can change the fact that Yangyang, Donghyuck, Jaemin and Jeno are laying in front of him, equally battered and bruised and far too silent.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 27
Kudos: 88
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	who says the sun will ever find the moon?

**Author's Note:**

> title is based on jj lin's song, [修炼爱情 !!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWV-f6dMN3Q)
> 
> written for 00 fic fest's first round! this is prompt #00180 :) 
> 
> [playlist!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7q37YSGfkvBAOJ0hf1LKFa)

Everything’s blurry, draped in crimson colored misdemeanors.

The only things that stand out to Renjun are that of things he wishes didn’t. A ring on the third finger that's all rusty and faded. A friendship bracelet with five threads, breaking apart from each other. A new watch, cracked down the middle.

He takes one look at the gurney in front of him, closes his eyes, counts to ten, prays to whoever is holding his fate above his head, and opens them again. What can he do? Nothing can change the fact that the four bodies lying on gurneys next to each other. Nothing can change the fact that Yangyang, Donghyuck, Jaemin and Jeno are laying in front of him, equally battered and bruised and far too silent. 

“What should we do first?” asks the new doctor beside him, and Renjun shakes his head. “Give me a moment, Dr. Park. I just need to find something.” Renjun lies, his last words quivering. He lies to get his head out, to give his poor heart a break. Strolling out of the hall confidently, he then lets his shoulders sag, and runs into the break room. 

No one’s in there. Peace and quiet. Peace, and safety and— 

—”You’re not going to find any other senior doctors here.” Jisung says, startling Renjun. He didn’t know he was being followed. Jisung lists and counts them on his fingers calmly. “Dr. Lee is on vacation, Dr. Qian just clocked off his 12 hour shift, and Dr. Kim is teaching some classes at SMU. You’re the best we’ve got tonight. Keep it together, Renjun.” He clamps his hand down on Renjun’s shoulder. 

His voice is frigid cold, and Renjun wants to shake off the brittleness, the way Jisung's voice doesn't even waver. He can’t stand how calm Jisung is; he acts as if this is just another normal routinely night, as if the four men on the gurneys weren't at Jisung's undergraduate graduation with Renjun six years ago, screaming their heads off as Jisung walked across the stage. 

He throws Jisung’s hand off his shoulder.

"How can you expect me to fucking do this? They're my best friends, how do you possibly think that i could have the skills to do their surgeries? Be responsible for their deaths?" The reality settles in (ironically) like a car crash in Renjun's mind.

“Stop thinking like that.” Jisung urges firmly. “You can save them. You’ve done amazing things, and as long as you keep your head together, I believe in you.” Jisung pauses and tilts his head. His voice grows darker and deeper. 

“And if not for me, do it for them. They would trust you with their goddamn life. Get it together, Dr. Huang.”

Jisung turns towards the door, nothing more to say. “The residents and I will be waiting outside.” He slams the door shut, letting Renjun drop his head down to deeper levels of regret. 

Where had they been when they got into an accident like this? Who was driving? Were they stuck under the car as a fire raged beside them? Nevertheless, he can’t question them now. He wishes he could scold them and lightly bump their head for being so reckless, because that would mean that they aren't tipping the scales of death.

Outside the break room, one of the residents flips the pages on his clipboard and starts from the beginning. “Lee Jeno, nineteen years old, glass pieces lodged on forehead, unconscious and pale. Na Jaemin, nineteen years old, major bleeding, unconscious. Lee Donghyuck, nineteen years old, spinal damage, gashes across arms. Liu Yangyang, eighteen yea-"

"-nineteen, actually." Renjun thinks back to yesterday, watching Yangyang blow out his candles over and over. Donghyuck had switched them with trick candles. It was amusing to watch them at play, Yangyang tackling Donghyuck to the ground as Renjun laughed and sicced them on, glad it wasn't him play-fighting for once. 

The resident with the clipboard clears his throat, frowns slightly at Renjun and continues on. "Okay, well. Liu Yangyang, nineteen years old," he emphasizes the age, "minor gashes on left knee." 

Once he's finished his report, Renjun realizes it's his turn to speak. His colleagues turn to him, and his mind goes completely blank. He flips through the report, gathersing his thoughts.

"Dr. Wong, get temporary stitches on Na Jaemin, try to control the bleeding, find me if he doesn't stop bleeding in a minute. Nakomoto, try to clot up the other bleeding areas." Checking that off his mental list, he plows on. "Zhong, get the pieces of glass out of Lee Jeno, and then conduct routine testing just in case, report back to me anything unusual. Let Park assist you. And, Dr. Kim, give Liu Yangyang some routine testing, tell me if anything out of the ordinary pops up. I will help Lee Donghyuck.” 

When no one moves, he claps his hands, and gestures rudely for them to leave. He’ll regret it later, but right now, all he can see in Donghyuck in his mind view, crumpled over on the gurney, moaning in pain. He brings him towards the closest room, gets out his tools, and gets to work. 

He starts with the gashes on his arms, ignoring the heartbreaking whimpers coming from his patient. For every stitch he threads, his pulse flickers, and he scrunches his nose in disdain at all the dark thoughts coming his way. He shouldn’t think like that. They’ve been together for so long, something like this won’t break them. They’ve been there for each other from day one, simple little kindergarten, playing house and falling off rock walls together. They dreamt in middle school, of fame and glamor far too long before heading home to scolding parents. They held onto each other like pieces of a raft drifting at sea in high school, with excess drama only a background buzz to their friendship. 

He calls in a spine specialist once he’s done with the stitches. No one has come running yet about the other patients, and Renjun doesn’t want to think about what could possibly be happening in the room next door. He takes a small break, crouching over his phone next to the vending machine. And there, is the first indication that something is wrong. 

No notifications are going off from their 00 line group chat. Left is one unread message, a picture of the four of them, Yangyang nearly off the picture, running away, Donghyuck reaching for the camera, Jaemin bent over laughing, and Jeno smiling contently at their theatrics. 

Renjun locks his phone, and tries to take a few steps towards Yangyang’s room. Dr. Kim’s finishing up a routinely check-up, and the sight of Yangyang sitting up, smiling patiently at the doctor, is a sight for sore eyes. Renjun nearly bursts into tears. But, he keeps his composure, and his smile is firm. 

“I’m here to take over,” Renjun announces, letting Dr. Kim stand up with his bucket of supplies before he sits down. Once he’s gone, Yangyang takes his hand in his own.

“I love you.” He says, and Renjun looks up from the charts. 

“Why are you saying this now?” Renjun feels like the answer is tapping him on the back of the head.

“I just want you to know, that no matter what happens today, that you’re an amazing doctor; you’re gonna do amazing things, Injun.” Yangyang’s voice travels to a whisper.

“Why are...why are you saying that like something’s going to happen?” Renjun quavers.

Yangyang doesn’t respond, instead sitting up taller. But Renjun needs answers. The emotions are threatening to overfill him.

“Nothing is going to happen today. No one is going to get hurt today Yangyang. No one will die.” Renjun cracks at that last word, and before he knows it, he’s hunched over the chair, tears dripping down his arms and legs, fingers clenched in uncomfortable fists. Yangyang's bringing his hands back up to the hospital bed, rubbing circles into his palm. And Renjun knows that in any normal scenario, Yangyang would tease him about it. But this isn’t anything ordinary.

He looks through the charts, an incomprehensible mess between the blurriness of his sight. He said he wouldn’t cry, and here he is. He’s weak as fuck. He tries to take a deep breath in. A sad attempt, really.

One loud, dramatic beep whirls on and on next to him, and his grip on the chair tightens. Everything is not fine. Yangyang’s lolled over, his last words but a few minutes ago. Renjun hears the sound of a door opening. Yangyang’s parents stand in the doorway, their gazes on his killer.

They rush in, and the looks of terror are apparent. Yangyang's sister lets out a short scream, and it's like a shard to Renjun's heart. He takes steps back quickly, eyes begging to die already. 

He needs to get to another room, see someone else, look at someone who’s alive and will be for the rest of his life. 

Donghyuck's in the room over, and Renjun swears that nothing more will happen. He doesn't have enough bad luck for more bad to happen. When he walks into the room, an odd feeling permeates the air. A blank empty space, and a single light that casts a shadow upon Renjun’s figure. He looks around the ghastly room, searching for a haunted soul. He knows that it isn’t a good sign that Donghyuck nor his bed is in his assigned room. 

But Renjun can’t dwell on where Donghyuck is. He needs, wants, longs to find a warm human being. He’s being selfish again; this he knows too well. But he can’t bear to think about what could possibly be happening with his heart bursting at the seams. 

He wonders if it’s possible to die from the stress he’s been given, and then scoffs at himself for being so pathetically weak.

One more door over, and it’s a completely blank room. Renjun starts running down the hall, looking at the glowing lights on the ceiling, and the particles of dust that swarm each doorway.

He sees a bed in the next room, and comes to a complete halt, almost falling over in the process.

Jeno’s standing there, _alive_ , and something blossoms in Renjun’s heart. He knows this isn’t the appropriate time for it, but he smoothes Jeno’s hair and places a kiss on his forehead. 

“I’m glad you’re here with me.” He says.

“Everything will be fine now,” Jeno promises, “Take a deep breath, pull up a seat.”

The unmatched grief stays in Renjun’s eyes, but he nods, unsettled. Jeno folds their hands together, and Renjun’s breathing gets shallow again. Jeno’s losing him again. 

“Hey!” He says, shaking their hands that are still tied together. “Stay with me. Close your eyes.” He demands with a softened expression on his face.

Renjun willingly closes them, and Jeno starts. “Imagine this: we’re together, okay? And it’s that clear beach day you drew on your canvas in the kitchen. Donghyuck and Yangyang are fighting over a kite. Jaemin’s grabbing snacks from the back of his beat-up Jeep, and we’re shading our eyes from the sun under an umbrella. Everything’s okay.”

Renjun smiles. He can clearly see it, the way Donghyuck playfully tug at the kite until Jaemin joins them, grabbing it out of reach from both. And the way Jeno’s smiling at him, he reaches in and— 

—”Renjun?” 

Jisung standing in the doorway, and Renjun stands up, dream shattered. All Jisung can get out is a “There’s been an accident” and Renjun’s legs are taking him out the door to Jaemin’s room. 

Renjun didn’t want to see this. He thought they were fine, but Jaemin’s lifeless body is obvious to any onlooker.

He stretches one hand over to Jaemin's right hand and cries. Big sobbing tears. 

And just like that, it’s over.

The days after are quiet, and Renjun holds onto Jeno as best he can, ignoring the obvious signs that fall upon both of them; the loss in appetite, the clear flinching at loud noises. He ignores the pauses in their conversations where Donghyuck would interject, and clearly, so does Jeno. It isn’t until Jeno comes home to find him staring at his phone that a thunderstorm blazes through their rooms. 

“Don’t you dare tell me you’re blaming yourself, Renjun.” Jeno warns, his bright eyes flaring with unmatched anger. Instead of responding, Renjun hands over his phone, unlocking it and pressing on the messaging app. Jeno looks down, and Renjun watches as his eyes go from anger to pity. 

“Don’t _you_ dare tell me to stop blaming myself. If I had checked my texts, I would’ve resent my text message, and you guys, eager to please, would have waited until I was out to go out!” Snarling, Renjun yanks the phone from Jeno’s hands, and it clumsily falls to the ground. Even a few feet away, Renjun can see the text message embezzled into his mind: 

_injun: why don’t you wait until i get off my shift ... unsent_

Jeno grimaces at the sight, rolling his eyes, and Renjun’s never felt so distant from him. 

The ring on Jeno’s left finger is no longer stained with blood, but Renjun can’t help but see red splotches every time he looks. Words are sprouting from his mouth, but all Renjun hears is a fazed out green tone, the clear excusatory mouth. Renjun doesn’t want that—he wants to be locked up for his clear murder, wants to find himself behind cold, empty bars.

“And I’m so damn selfish,” Renjun says, shaking, pointing a finger at himself. “They’re all dead, but I’m whining about not being able to talk to Jaemin one last time. Jeno,” Renjun looks into big eyes, “they suffered until death and there I was, stupidly crying as if that would solve anything. I should’ve told a joke, gotten a blanket, called their parents into the room. I could’ve provided comfort.”

Jeno reaches out a hand, but it’s too late. Renjun’s slammed the door to his bedroom.

Renjun’s been given time off work to recuperate, but he knows that truth: they can’t believe that he would make so many mistakes, pairing new doctors with new doctors and getting emotional and being unable to save three out of the four boys. He knows that Donghyuck’s father is suing the hospital for improper treatment. It’s best they let go of him, no matter how many awards decorate the fireplace. 

———————

One day in late December, Jeno stands with his bags at the front door. The couches look bare without the various clothes that usually decorate the scene, and Renjun bites back a tear. Jeno deserves to leave and find somewhere happier, deserves to rise from the ash— 

—”Renjun?” Jeno’s got a backpack on his shoulder, and a jacket tied around his waist. “You ready to go?”

At Renjun’s look of displeasure and confusion, Jeno tries to clarify. “We’re going out. You need to see some of the world.”

And at Renjun’s protest, Jeno lifts him over his shoulder and throws some of Renjun’s things into a bag.

“It’ll be good for you.” Is all Jeno will say to the airport, one hand intertwined with Renjun’s.

And Renjun shakes his head, full of sorrow, because how can he leave for happiness? How can he, when his best friends are five feet under, and the only person he’s ever loved this deeply is scarred because of it?

How can he not see the way Jeno retracts with every touch?

He’s coerced onto the flight. A glass of water is placed on his tray, and so is a warm, gooey cookie, courtesy of Jeno, who’s talked the flight attendant into warming it in the oven. 

All Renjun can do is stare out of the window, and wait for something to happen, a burst of magic, a flicker of hope to suddenly change things around for Renjun.

Jeno’s found a small tourist town on the east side of America, boasting of the best french fries around and otherworldly charm. He has rented out an apartment for the summer, and Renjun finds himself walking along the beach the second morning, around five A.M. 

Sand fills his sneakers as he chugs along, listening to the crash of the ocean along the beach.

He feels nostalgic, dipping his feet into icy waters; he half expects Yangyang to pull him out of his haze by jumping on his back, demanding a piggyback ride.

The waves are soothing to his ears, and he finds himself spreading his blanket down on the sand, and laying down, closing his eyes. He sits, and he thinks, Donghyck's hand slid into his; Jaemin's hands in hair, and Yangyang's eyes piercing his. Because although they may be dead, Renjun knows he can always seem them in the back of his mind, watching over him. If they were here right now....

If they were here right now, they'd scold him for being so eager to give up the world for them. He can't continue on this way, like a body without a soul. Renjun sits up, watching waves flow onto the beach, one after another. He tucks the bad memories to the back of his head, and places memories of dripping ice cream and sticky smiles in the forefront of his mind.

Renjun knows it won’t be easy to fix his mindset. But at least, right now, he can take things one step at a time.

He climbs back up the stairs to the apartment as the sun comes up, a horizon of red and yellows against a blue backdrop.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i hope u like it!! please take a look at the collection, there's a lot of amazing stories to be read!
> 
> to the prompter; this prompt was so amazing and breathtaking, thank u for letting me write it!
> 
> thanks to one of best friends (dork i love u !!) in the whole wide world for sending me actual research about what happens to people in car accidents !! i luv u !!


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